April 15, 2012

 

 

Custard pants is coming

Swaggering along the prom

With one hand in his pocket

He struts with such aplomb

 

 

April 13, 2012

 

 

So ultra modern

The latest ‘must have’

The chicest of chic

The ‘tarted up’ lav.

 

Solid gold fixtures

Bum warming seat

Touch finger flusher

So very discreet.

 

 

 

 

 

Don’t even flutter an eyelash

Let the double entendres pass by

Don’t let him get his leg over

Don’t act all demure and shy

 

Don’t show a hint of recognition

Let the attention go over your head

Don’t be another notch on his belt

Don’t ever enter his bed

 

 

 

 

If we split them up

And go for a walk

It’ll be easier for you

To get him to talk

 

He’ll reveal their business

He’ll spill the beans

Not that I’m nosey

By any means

 

It’s just that she

Is harder to read

And cleverly avoids

The questions I feed

 

So buy him a beer

To relax his tongue

And he’ll sing like a canary

Before too long.

 

 

 

 

Keep your knees together love

And straighten up your spine

And put a smile upon your face

Oh, and lower that hemline.

 

 

 

 

Unfortunately she has

To accept he’s right

So it’s humble pie for tea

And down on one knee tonight.

 

 

 

 

 

Unburden your troubles onto your mother

Tell her each detail of your dismay

And how you are the injured party

And how unfairly you were treated today

 

Reveal your anxiety to your mother

Tell her each word that at you was spat

And how you are the innocent victim

And how injustice has made you feel flat

 

Then end your chat with your mother

Tell her goodbye and go on your way

Feeling refreshed and invigorated

Whilst she’s left worried sick

For the rest of the day

 

 

 

 

He nipped into the closet

From her bed he quickly fled

When her man came home unexpectedly

As she feigned an aching head

 

But on the floor her partner spotted

A sock that was not his

Before seeing champagne glasses

Containing drink that had lost its fizz

 

 

 

 

 

Could you just tell me

In plain simple language

Exactly what it is you want me to do.

If you don’t tell me then how can

I possibly know?

I’m not a mind reader

Nor can I multi task

I’m simply a man

So just ask.

 

 

April 12, 2012

 

 

Ducks and drakes

And drama queens

Stand up comedians

Full of beans

Vaudeville acts

With ancient scenes

The smell of the grease paint

Wild kids in their teens

The opening night

Behind ‘dry ice’ smoke screens

The excitement, the thrill

That loud applause means.

Endless ladies queuing

For too few latrines

A drama, a comedy

A murder with fiends

An audience dressed anyhow

Elegance gone, they wear jeans.

The ice cream seller vital

So too, the sweeper who cleans

The theatre, the theatre

The home of our dreams!

 

 

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