April 19, 2012

 

 

I’ve got a lovely velvet coat,

It buttons to the floor.

I feel the bees knees in it.

But I don’t wear it anymore.

 

I’ve got a heavy, thick black cape,

It comes right past my knees.

But I don’t bother wearing it,

So my knees, I let them freeze!

 

I’ve got hundreds of matching suits,

That in my wardrobe sit.

But they are all last seasons,

And some, they don’t even fit!

 

I’ve got four thousand pairs of shoes,

Some, I’ve never had on.

I’ve searched two months for my favourite pair,

I don’t know where they’ve gone.

 

I’ve got millions of bottles of perfume,

Nail varnish and lipsticks too.

In every colour you can think of,

And guess what, I’ve even got blue!

 

You couldn’t call me a hat chick,

So I thought I’d let you know,

That sitting in my cupboard

There’s only ten or so.

 

When it comes to guys,

I don’t know why I’ve only got one!

I’ll start a new collection,

Goodbye….  I’m already gone…

 

 

 

 

 

April 13, 2012

 

 

So ultra modern

The latest ‘must have’

The chicest of chic

The ‘tarted up’ lav.

 

Solid gold fixtures

Bum warming seat

Touch finger flusher

So very discreet.

 

 

 

March 28, 2012

 

The country set

The cheshire set

The clubs where folk belong

 

 

The horsey set

The jet set

Let’s fly off to Hong Kong

 

 

The golf set

The church set

Let’s sing that tuneful song

 

 

The ‘In’ set

The tennis set

Life’s just a game of ping-pong!

 

 

March 26, 2012

 

That fickle hair doesn’t have a care

It’s wayward, an outcast

A persistent nuisance

Dancing wildly across the eyes

Impossible to catch

It’s out of control

A confounded pest

It’s a loner, a straggler

A rebel

An unwanted guest

Separated from the rest

Immune to lotions or spray

It’s a distraction

A show off

It demands centre stage

Fills the owner with rage

It’s mind boggling

A monster

Wafting to and fro

The blighter must go

There, it’s cut off in it’s prime

Ah, but wait

It has sisters and brothers

Silently queuing

Just waiting their chance

To break free from the others

And onto ones forehead prance

That single strand of hair

Is a nightmare

That can never be resolved

 

 

March 24, 2012

 

The mandarins were so juicy

Far sweeter than any tangerine

I ate four of them

One after the other

Before filling the washing machine

 

 

March 22, 2012

 

Black so sombre,

Black so strong.

Black so solid,

Black belongs.

 

 Black is power,

Black is strength.

Black is smart

At any length.

 

Black’s a suit,

Black’s a tie.

Speak out of turn

And black’s an eye.

 

Black stands out,

Black is loud.

And when it rains

Black’s a cloud.

 

March 20, 2012

 

We are the leaves of autumn

Falling from the trees

We clung tightly to the branches

But we couldn’t beat the breeze

 

 

 

I heard tell,  just the other day

A story which no-one believes

It was about elves and goblins

Who live amongst  the nettle leaves.

 

They stay there because they feel protected

 From the hazards of the countryside

 And at nightime they are joined by the fairies

 Who pop in to chat and use the leaves as a slide.

 

They sometimes get a visit from a young rabbit

 Who’s got lost going back to his warren

 As he tries to escape the farmyard dog

 Named McTavish, as he has a white sporran.

 

I don’t think I can tell you the story

It was told to me in strict confidence

By a goblin’s second cousin, once removed

Who lives on the other side of the fence.

 

The story caused much hilarity

Though it seemed too far fetched to me

 But the sight of them falling over with mirth

 Even had the pixies laughing with glee.

 

 

March 17, 2012

 

Knobs and knockers and old broom handles,

Cabbages and kings and dimly lit candles

Sausage and mash and cherry cake

Are they for real, or simply just fake?

 

Buckets and spades and a seaside donkey,

Punch hit Judy and she felt quite wonky.

Father Christmas caused a sensation,

Just another figment of our imagination.

 

And so the fantasy goes on and on.

Clouds to build our life upon.

Keep optimistic and dare to dream,

Otherwise you might just scream.

 

 

 

Nobody ever counts their pennies anymore, 

Small change just doesn’t matter.

The only sound to be heard at the till,

Is when the credit cards clatter.

 

Nobody minds being in debt now,

It doesn’t have the stigma it had.

People just pay off their interest,

Which to me seems terribly sad.

 

 Nobody really owns anything,

We all live in fantasy land.

It seems that as fast as we earn the money,

It slips through our fingers like sand.

 

 Nobody is teaching prudence these days,

People think she’s a fluffy black cat.

Well, we certainly need to have luck on our side,

Or a Daddy – who’s wallet is fat.

 

 

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