January 15, 2014

 

 

Don’t let him anywhere near your nibbles,

as his eyes will start to glow.

As soon as you put them on show,

he will sense them before you know.

 

He will grab handfuls of your do-dah’s,

as well as crisps, for which he’s yearned.

And to top that, your nuts he’ll snatch,

just as soon as your back is turned.

 

 

January 12, 2014

 

 

When hairs grow rampantly on your big toe,

it’s time to address the status quo.

 

 

 

 

 

Why does the one who shouldn’t,

suddenly become the one who will,

by widening the goalposts to suit the purpose,

for a thrill that momentarily fits the bill.

 

 

 

 

December 26, 2013

 

 

 

As fragrant as a parsons nose,

when powdered with pomanders.

 

As scented as a bacon roll, when

up the nostrils, the aroma meanders.

 

 

 

December 16, 2013

 

 

What untold stories

lay in Chentocks Wood,

where many a maiden

got up to no good.

 

And young boys smoked,

for the very first time –

too old to swing from trees

and get covered in grime.

 

There, flourished nightlife,

where courting was rife.

All car windows steamed up,

road testing, for a wife!

 

Many secrets, worse than these

lay in Chentock’s Wood,

if folklore is to be believed –

but I have no thirst for blood.

 

So, for now I’ll just say this:

‘Follow the thorny thistle Trail,

and turn left at Chentocks Bottom –

but be sure you don’t inhale.

 

And if there is a full moon

on the night you choose to go,

you may not be alone

so keep your headlights low.

 

And one more thing I beg you,

when you finally arrive,

do not outstay your welcome,

or you will be eaten, whole, alive!

 

 

 

 

 

 

December 3, 2013

 

 

It’s dirty work

is this truffle foraging,

but dirty work can’t be beat.

There’s chefs from

the finest eateries,

queuing to cook them,

to serve to the elite.

 

 

December 1, 2013

 

 

It is localised.

It has been contained.

It is under padlock.

It has been constrained.

 

It is all but dead.

Now gone, what remained!

It is a harrowing memory,

that must be left, unexplained.

 

 

 

November 8, 2013

 

 

Oh, darkened leaves of the Odipheus tree,

protect me from the powers that be.

Keep whole my heart, my mind refresh,

my soul encase in gossamer mesh.

 

Light up a path with luminous stars,

like candles burning, held in jars.

I plead for guidance, dear Odipheus tree.

Under darkened leaves, let peace, there be.

 

I pray for settled times ahead.

By you alone I will be lead.

Older than time, and wiser you be,

than any other kind of tree.

 

Just by the gate, I found you standing,

your presence powerful and commanding.

Your darkened leaves, bade ‘come to me’,

‘Have you never before seen an Odipheus tree?’

 

So scared was I, that I did pee.

Never before a tree, had ever spoken to me!

But in my frozen state of mind,

I felt instinctively, that you were kind.

 

And after my initial spook,

a warming calmness overtook.

Your welcoming way, made me believe.

Only then, my senses, could I retrieve.

 

I saw your name, edged in the bark.

A swallow came and then a lark.

My thirst was quenched, and I could see,

that I’d found my own Odipheus tree.

 

For each and every human being,

who common sense, may not be seeing.

I beg them, through the woods go wander,

zig-zag until lost and then meander.

 

Do not be frightened or alarmed,

as underfoot go creatures charmed.

By them be guided, for they can see,

someone badly needing an Odipheus tree.

 

The secret of the search is this,

(that many often fail to miss) –

No darkened leaves will bade ‘Come across’,

unless one is utterly, at a loss.

 

The Odipheus tree is too wise to share

his knowledge and help to those in despair,

unless they attempt, to seek him out alone,

leaving behind them, their mobile phone!

 

 

 

 

 

 

October 11, 2013

 

 

You’ll know it

if you’re stung

by the Mexamula fly.

 

There’ll be a tear

in your eye,

as it bids you goodbye.

 

If you’re lucky

you will faint, but

you might even die,

 

that’s the power

and the strength

of the Mexamula fly.

 

It may settle

in your hair,

if it detects any dye

 

It’s particularly

fond of henna,

no-one knows why?

 

So never scratch

your head and upset

the Mexamula fly,

 

when it’s settled

in your ‘comb over’,

with sun high in the sky.

 

Let it explore

undetected, and

pray it doesn’t try

 

to pierce your skin

and draw blood –

that evil Mexamula fly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

October 5, 2013

 

 

No two weeks are the same,

so ride with the tide,

give it your best shot,

and do it with pride.

 

No two geeks are the same,

so in neither confide,

just stick to your plan

for the long term ride.

 

No two leeks are the same,

but are very tasty fried,

with bacon and mushrooms

and crusty bread on the side.

 

No two peaks are the same,

but after the highs have died,

are the lows to be dealt with,

as joy starts to subside.

 

No two cheeks are the same,

but when kisses are applied,

the heart swells with passion,

and all sad tears are dried.

 

 

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