April 29, 2012

 

 

It takes a while

To really fit in

Before you feel

Content within

 

It takes some time

To feel secure

And be at peace

And sure as sure

 

Slowly, you will

Get to know

The people,

As they come and go

 

Then one day

The newness gone,

With your friends

You feel at one.

 

There’ll be some,

More than others

Who you’ll feel,

Their friendship smothers

 

So keep your counsel!

Be on your guard.

And soon they will hold you

in high regard

 

 

 

 

 

Breathe the air of self importance,

Swallow your own success,

Fall in love with your mirror image,

But don’t stick around for the mess

 

 

 

Wash away these cobwebs

Let our love unfold

Take me to Utopia

Before I get too old.

 

 

 

 

Women are the new men

And who’s to say they’re wrong?

For too long men have had it all.

It’s time for a brand new song.

 

Women will not be put on!

No longer will they be held down.

It’s now the menfolk staying indoors,

Whilst the girls are out painting the town.

 

 

 

 

She was wonderful in the garden,

All the plants she could cultivate.

She was wonderful in the kitchen,

All her dinners were just first rate.

 

 

She was wonderful as a housewife,

All the furniture shone to a treat

She was wonderful with the children,

Who made our life complete.

 

 

She was wonderful too, towards me.

Our love, it was just so deep.

But when we got to the bedroom

Alas, she just went to sleep

 

 

April 28, 2012

 

 

 

Don’t kill that rabbit for the sake of it

You mindlessly stupid cat

I’ve brought you up to know better

Sit on my knee whilst we have a chat.

 

 

I know that you care for me deeply

By the presents you place on the mat

But honestly, there’s simply no need

 I can’t find a use for a headless rat!

 

 

So when you play ping-pong with voles

Or tear the insides out of a mouse

Kindly do it where I can’t see you

And don’t bring them into the house!

 

 

 

 

 

Fellow members, one and all

Listen to my voice

I am the chairman, the one who counts

So you really don’t have a choice

 

Do you agree with the minutes,

Can I sign them as being correct?

The secretary has fled to Rome

So raise your hand if you do object

 

The first item on the agenda

Is concerning the ladies loo

Where not one door is lockable

Oh, what is a maiden to do?

 

Next item is about the pickled eggs

Has anyone got some spare jars?

If so we’ll pickle some onions too

They’ll fit in the boot of our cars

 

Then we come to the question

Of who’ll host the garden party in May?

Last year only five people turned up

But at least we didn’t turn anyone away

 

Next I’ll pose you this thought

Of who’ll fill my seat when I’m dead?

If I know, I can start to train them now

Because the job comes with so much dread

 

I’ve held down this post as Chairman

For years totalling many a score

I never seem to have any challengers

As no one new ever walks through the door!

 

 

 

The atmosphere was very congenial

The setting was really first class.

The host and hostess were hospitable

And gave us Champagne by the glass.

 

 The menu was very imaginative,

Our chef was in cracking good form.

His friend, Jerry Boam popped his cork,

But in the end he went down a storm.

 

The chef wore a ‘Kiss-Me-Quick’ pinny,

‘Cos at his age it pays to beg

And we were all rather impressed

By his salad topped with quails egg !

 

One lady galloped off to the loo

Thirty four times whilst we dined!

She was supposed to be staying overnight,

The words ‘rubber mattress’ sprang to mind.

 

The food it  just kept on coming,

We thought it would never stop.

And I swear that a kangaroo

At one point did a hop.

 

Then came the heavenly fruit

And all kinds of exotic cheese

These really are gradely people

And certainly know how to please.

 

The same lady bombed off to the lav again

The poor lamb needs incontinence knickers!

The candles were nearly burnt out

And into their final flickers.

 

A blond guy was the first to look weary

And the hostess’s eyelids started to drop.

Everyone, in turn, did a sneaky yawn,

So the party finally had to stop.

 

It was a night to remember.

Though today, some might want to forget

As they crawl out from under the sheets,

En-route for the painkillers – you can bet

April 26, 2012

 

 

So suddenly the changes come

Without warning or any insight

We awoke this morning as a couple

But I’ll be alone in bed tonight

 

It’s a total shock to the system

All meaning disappears from life

This evening I am a widow

But this morning I was a wife!

 

This situation is nonsensical

My heart has broken in two

How can I live a minute longer

Now that I don’t have you !

 

You were the centre of my universe

My stability, my dependable rock

This feeling of grief is unbearable

I haven’t had time to take stock

 

So suddenly the changes arrive

And upset the master plan

God give me the strength to carry on

Now that I’ve lost my man

 

 

 

 

A million pebbles on the sea shore

Skimmed gently out to sea

By weekend revellers and nudists too

Only in Brighton can we be

 

No sign of sand anywhere

Just seagulls screeching with glee

Their voices hauntingly melancholy

Only in Brighton can we be

 

Thrashing waters, killer waves

At high tide we all flee

Back through ‘The Lanes’ to our Hotel

Only in Brighton can we be

 

A burnt out pier, needing restoration

No bucket and spade for the child at our knee

But we shall return, like years before, for

Only in Brighton can we be

 

 

 

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