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June 8, 2012

We daren’t sit Joe

next to Auntie Flo.

She does his ‘head in’.

He’ll get drunk, you know!


And we can’t sit Lynda

next to cousin Pete.

They once had a fling,

and might still be on heat


And we mustn’t let Stella know

that Wilbur’s been invited.

They haven’t spoken since Uncle Martin

was unexpectantly knighted!


Auntie Minnie once hit Fanny

over the head.

So we’ll keep them well apart

or it’ll upset dear old Fred.


Stanley will not come,

though he might drop Nellie off.

He never did like our lot

and he has a bronchial cough


I know darling dearest

that this is our day.

But we have to invite my family,

come what may.


Grandma James, as you know,

is a bit of a prude?

She doesn’t like swear words

or anything rude.


So tell your best man

to tone down his act

Or out of her will, you will be,

that’s a fact!


 We have to invite Dads

second cousin Maude,

and her idle husband,

they call ‘Shiftless Claude’.


But we’ll keep them far away

from Jenny and Larry.

Who still live ‘in sin’

and choose not to marry.


We must make sure Uncle Bert

is at the end of a table.

Or he’ll ‘touch up’ young ladies

and infuriate Mabel.


Uncle Giles is getting old now,

but he’s still bringing Auntie Pru.

So best sit them near an exit,

as they always needs the loo.


All this must seem a nightmare

right now, for you, I know.

But me marrying you at all,

to my parents, is a blow?


It’s not that they don’t like you

They just prefer my ex!

I don’t suppose that you’d consider

inviting poor old Rex?


Well, that’s my side sorted,

and we’re up to seventy three.

So keep your numbers to a minimum,

or a riot there will be.




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