April 28, 2012

 

 

Fellow members, one and all

Listen to my voice

I am the chairman, the one who counts

So you really don’t have a choice

 

Do you agree with the minutes,

Can I sign them as being correct?

The secretary has fled to Rome

So raise your hand if you do object

 

The first item on the agenda

Is concerning the ladies loo

Where not one door is lockable

Oh, what is a maiden to do?

 

Next item is about the pickled eggs

Has anyone got some spare jars?

If so we’ll pickle some onions too

They’ll fit in the boot of our cars

 

Then we come to the question

Of who’ll host the garden party in May?

Last year only five people turned up

But at least we didn’t turn anyone away

 

Next I’ll pose you this thought

Of who’ll fill my seat when I’m dead?

If I know, I can start to train them now

Because the job comes with so much dread

 

I’ve held down this post as Chairman

For years totalling many a score

I never seem to have any challengers

As no one new ever walks through the door!

 

 

 

April 20, 2012

 

 

What a total pack of lies you tell,

You oversell your story.

Why not tell it like it is?

Why surround yourself with glory

 

 

April 13, 2012

 

 

If we split them up

And go for a walk

It’ll be easier for you

To get him to talk

 

He’ll reveal their business

He’ll spill the beans

Not that I’m nosey

By any means

 

It’s just that she

Is harder to read

And cleverly avoids

The questions I feed

 

So buy him a beer

To relax his tongue

And he’ll sing like a canary

Before too long.

 

 

April 11, 2012

 

 

Is that the face that once beamed with joy?

That would soften at the sight of an animal

Or fledgling bird taking flight

Is that you – the girl I once knew?

The one I grew up with and saw in the mirror

Each day and night

Is that you?

Are you alright?

 

 

 

 

 

Can I sell you a fortune kookie Miss

It’ll turn your life around and

Change your luck for the better

It only costs a pound!

 

Or perhaps you’ll take this sprig of heather Lady

I picked it myself this very morn

It’s yours for a piece of silver

It’ll make you feel glad that you were born

 

You honestly won’t regret it Dear

Don’t decline my offer or you’ll be cursed

Please dig deep into your pockets

I’ve six children who must be nursed

 

I’m down on mi luck grand Lady

Impoverished, so answer my plea, and

Take one of my fortune kookies

And pass on your good luck to me

 

 

April 10, 2012

 

 

Chew each mouthful

Fourteen times

Get those jawbones gnashing

Or swallow food whole

And undigested

And give your guts a bashing

 

 

 

April 7, 2012

 

 

Thank the Lord for solitude,

He thought, as he

 Closed his office door

And went over to download

‘that’ website

Like he’d done a

Thousand times before.

 

 

April 4, 2012

 

 

Fine and dandy

Loose and randy

With legs akimbo

She’ll finish up bandy

 

 

 

March 31, 2012

 

 

It’s not like it was in my day’,

The old folks are heard to lament.

But they’re not like they were in their day,

Life’s disillusionment’s have left a dent!

 

 

Let the young enjoy their world,

Why not let them do it their way

Set them free to experiment

After all, every dog has it’s day.

 

 

 

 

The nightmare

The anguish

The bitterness

The hatred

The resentment

The misery

The frustration

The insanity

The imprisonment

The monotony

The boredom

The destruction

The responsibility

The loving

 The End.

 

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