May 4, 2012

 

 

She wears so much bling

It must weigh a ton.

I think they are gifts

From her famous son.

 

 

April 29, 2012

 

 

Women are the new men

And who’s to say they’re wrong?

For too long men have had it all.

It’s time for a brand new song.

 

Women will not be put on!

No longer will they be held down.

It’s now the menfolk staying indoors,

Whilst the girls are out painting the town.

 

 

 

 

She was wonderful in the garden,

All the plants she could cultivate.

She was wonderful in the kitchen,

All her dinners were just first rate.

 

 

She was wonderful as a housewife,

All the furniture shone to a treat

She was wonderful with the children,

Who made our life complete.

 

 

She was wonderful too, towards me.

Our love, it was just so deep.

But when we got to the bedroom

Alas, she just went to sleep

 

 

April 26, 2012

 

 

A million pebbles on the sea shore

Skimmed gently out to sea

By weekend revellers and nudists too

Only in Brighton can we be

 

No sign of sand anywhere

Just seagulls screeching with glee

Their voices hauntingly melancholy

Only in Brighton can we be

 

Thrashing waters, killer waves

At high tide we all flee

Back through ‘The Lanes’ to our Hotel

Only in Brighton can we be

 

A burnt out pier, needing restoration

No bucket and spade for the child at our knee

But we shall return, like years before, for

Only in Brighton can we be

 

 

 

April 22, 2012

 

 

They had to make up their differences

 

Though she didn’t think she was in the wrong

 

  They always blamed each other

 

              Their sense of rivalry was so strong

 

Call it a clash of personalities!

 

          Two individuals wanting centre stage

 

   And inevitably a ‘no win’ situation

 

 To be in the same room filled them with rage

 

But sense in the end, had to happen

 

               Their anger was affecting everyone

 

So they met and shook hands and agreed

 

That from now on, all bad feeling would be gone

 

 

 

   But even at the point of forgiveness

 

          She still thought him a selfish prat

 

  They’ll always rub each other up the wrong way

 

        But she’s stuck with him, so that’s that.

 

 

 

April 13, 2012

 

 

Keep your knees together love

And straighten up your spine

And put a smile upon your face

Oh, and lower that hemline.

 

 

 

 

Unfortunately she has

To accept he’s right

So it’s humble pie for tea

And down on one knee tonight.

 

 

 

 

 

Unburden your troubles onto your mother

Tell her each detail of your dismay

And how you are the injured party

And how unfairly you were treated today

 

Reveal your anxiety to your mother

Tell her each word that at you was spat

And how you are the innocent victim

And how injustice has made you feel flat

 

Then end your chat with your mother

Tell her goodbye and go on your way

Feeling refreshed and invigorated

Whilst she’s left worried sick

For the rest of the day

 

 

 

 

Could you just tell me

In plain simple language

Exactly what it is you want me to do.

If you don’t tell me then how can

I possibly know?

I’m not a mind reader

Nor can I multi task

I’m simply a man

So just ask.

 

 

April 10, 2012

 

 

 

Of all the underhand

Conniving things to do!

I can never forgive you

That’s it

You are out of my zone forever

So don’t bother trying to get

Back into my good books

Don’t give me one of those

Long soppy looks

Or those stupid grins that say

‘I know you don’t mean it’

Just take your

Coochy–coochy-coo’s elsewhere

Because this time

And I mean it

This time

You’ve had it with me.

So make your own Tea

And then sling your hook

Oh, and on your way back

Could you bring some milk

Because we’ve run out! 

 

 

 

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