November 2, 2015

 

 

The stillness so deafening

as I sat in your room.

Your guitar quiet in the corner,

No drums going boom-boom.

 

I saw a sock on the floor

underneath the radiator.

The one that you told me

you’d look for later.

 

I saw my face in your mirror,

I wanted to smash the glass.

I wanted the world to end

and this madness to pass.

 

I heard your clock ticking

without rhythm or rhyme.

It mattered not, now,

no-one home at meal-time.

 

The centre of my universe gone;

the whole core of my being.

The blind panic that struck

now no sense I was seeing.

 

I wanted to lash out.

I kicked your football.

It bounced down the stairs,

and rolled into the hall.

 

This nightmare too crazy,

I wanted to scream,

And make everything right,

and awake from this dream.

 

I saw your dressing gown hung

on the back of the door.

And three pairs of your trainers,

neatly lined up on the floor.

 

Your room already a shrine;

I couldn’t take it anymore.

Nothing would ever again,

be like it was before.

 

I slept in your room

for many weeks after.

I awoke in the night

to the sound of your laughter.

 

And as time went by

I slowly learnt how to cope.

I met others in the same situation,

who gave me some hope.

 

I now feel so grateful

for every day spent with you,

and I celebrate your life,

the way that you’d want me to.

 

Sometimes I feel we are closer

than when you were alive.

It’s the way I get through.

It’s the way I survive.

 

God Bless you Darling.

 

 

November 1, 2015

 

 

Oh love, that deep

within me sleeps.

A rested soul

til daybreak peeps,

when together, onward

we walk freely;

two souls as one,

unseen, but clearly

united in death,

as in life, the same.

Oh love so deep,

You came, you came.

 

Your forever promise

you did fulfill,

to stay by me,

through winters chill.

No flesh to touch.

No tears to dry.

No look of love

seen in your eye.

But still you’re here

as my heart weeps.

Oh love that deep

within me sleeps.

 

 

 

 

Oh war that took

our love away,

to a distant land

where dangers lay.

Please keep him safe

for he took our heart

as a parting gift,

when he did depart.

 

Oh war that took

our love to sea,

where a twist of fate

his destiny.

Ten fathoms deep

his submarine,

when the enemy on

the horizon seen.

 

Oh war that tore

our world apart,

though so much promised

at the start.

And yes, we know

the war, we won,

but it took from us,

our precious son.

 

 

 

 

Through skies of hope

the journey starts,

amidst falling bombs

as quick as darts.

 

Where plane after plane,

to heaven ascend,

leaving broken hearts

that never mend.

 

 

 

 

I daily wait

at water’s edge.

My open heart

to him I pledge.

 

The point at which

we two last kissed,

I return to daily.

I can’t resist.

 

To recall the moment,

I never tire.

His love alone

all that I desire.

 

Please God let

his ship return.

And sight of bow

replace the stern.

 

I daily wait

at water’s edge.

My open heart

to him I pledge.

 

The one for me,

the only one.

My life on hold

since he’s been gone.

 

 

 

 

 

Into Angel’s arms

so many flew,

with a sense of duty

only they knew.

 

And a sense of hope

over-riding fear.

The cost of life,

so very dear.

 

 

 

 

I lived with your heartache,

witnessing your every hidden tear.

Imagine how I felt when you told me,

that but for me, you wouldn’t be here?

 

I saw you distraught

and half out of your mind,

juggling with past demons

that wartime love left behind.

 

I saw you courageous

and putting on a show

worthy of an ‘Oscar’,

whilst thinking, ‘Why did I let him go?’

 

I felt part of a conspiracy,

not of my own doing,

and unable to get help, turned to

a lifetime of nail chewing.

 

Then good times would appear,

( I prayed him gone from your inner sight)

and the real trio we were part of,

at last, seemingly happy and bright.

 

But the pattern always the same,

as your temporary highs became lows.

The choice you made not the right one?

Something God alone only knows.

 

And so the years went by,

until I finally left,

hoping you two might get closer,

but you felt even more bereft.

 

Now I was far away,

but never guilt free,

as knowing you weren’t coping

was still getting to me.

 

By now your wartime love,

you had decided, must be DEAD!

And the urge, to live near me,

just wouldn’t leave your head.

 

So after pressure, I surrendered;

your idea having merit I could see,

and the most satisfactory conclusion,

I had to agree, that there could be.

 

And so we happily co-existed,

though your new life a far cry,

from familiar friends and faces, that with

heavy heart, you’d both waved goodbye.

 

But the shadow hanging over you

now gone, so life worth another try:

One totally oblivious, One no longer living a lie,

and the One they created – the glue in the pie!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

‘I could have loved him,

I really could’, she said to me

when the funeral over;

too late to turn back the clock.

 

‘It could have been so different,

it really could’, she said to me;

though the words meant for herself,

as if to berate – her anger to unlock.

 

‘I was a fool to myself,

I really was’, she said to me;

as if I didn’t know, her first love,

she’d mentally never let go.

 

‘I’ve seen your heart breaking,

I really have’, I said to her;

knowing that private part of her mind,

that still filled her with woe.

 

‘I really loved him,

I really did’, she said to me

now it mattered not;

the one in the way, in that bond of three.

 

‘I could have had him,

I really could’, she said to me,

‘but he wasn’t free, and the guilt too much,

so I declined his plea’.

 

I often think I’ll find him,

I really do, I say to myself,

when curiosity calls;

I feel I already know him, after all.

 

I wonder if he’s still alive,

I really do, I muse to myself.

That guy who wrecked our lives;

his presence an irritant, a shadow tall.

 

‘You shouldn’t have told me,

you really shouldn’t’, I said to her’

‘I love you both equally;

it just wasn’t fair’.

 

‘It made me think you’d wished

I wasn’t here’, I said to her,

‘and like the one you chose,

we both lived in despair’.

 

‘I know you told him,

I really do’, she said to me.

Aghast, I denied it; ‘I would never hurt

the one who loved you, so true,

 

who scratched his head

but stuck by you,

through good times and bad,

never having a clue’.

 

Then ten years passed with no mention,

of her war-time soldier at all !

Happy times in her marriage,

instead she chose to recall !

 

It seems a lifetime away

now I sit here and recall.

One forever oblivious: One a shadow tall;

and the one we all loved – our very own screwball.

 

By Harriet Blackbury.

 

 

 

 

What a waste of emotion,

a life of regret.

What an indulgent fantasy,

a love, one cannot forget.

 

 

 

 

Forgive. Forget.

Move on.

Life is but a whistle-stop tour.

 

 

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