August 6, 2016

 

 

And one so vicious in debate

when fools and scoundrels tempt their fate

 

and sit before this hardened judge

who digs and digs, but will not budge

 

until the truth be out on show,

and mincemeat made of latest foe.

 

The one not hasty in retreat,

who makes young Paxman seem so sweet.

 

Will to the limit, search for truth

then head to Lulu’s for Vermouth?

 

Or a drink well earned – not more than three,

as Molly waits for late night wee.

 

Every now and then, but not for long,

we see his softness, hip-hip, ding-dong.

 

There IS a heart inside this man

as Scottish granite, cracks best it can

 

It’s now we glance at the TV

us housewives, suffering because of he,

 

who is an idol of our men,

who live and breathe for Thursdays when

 

a double dose of Neil on view –

the third one in our bed of two!

 

Day in, day out, he haunts this joint,

but I digress from my last point

 

Just yesterday, I caught his flow,

referring to his sidekick, as Jo-Co!

 

Such warmth expressed – did my ears deceive?

a double-take I did, as I turned to leave

 

after bringing lunch to one who’s got the bug,

of trying to win, a cherished political mug!

 

Neil must have a heart, I began to think,

as I filled the kettle by the sink.

 

‘Your mate’s got married’ my man sarcastically said,

a few months ago, which stopped me in my tread.

 

I knew who he meant, it’s just of him he talks,

sat out in the courtyard, or on country walks,

 

or soaking in the bath, with his head phones on,

until the water cold and all the bubbles gone!

 

So – A wife to bring out his calmer side,

and for the good, let his aggression slide.

 

Oh God, give me strength, am I falling for

the charm of one, who’s made my eardrums sore?

 

I know he’s kind to Miranda – it’s visible on screen,

but sometimes to Diane, he is very mean.

 

So well done producers, what a clever ploy

to bring on Molly to give us wives such joy.

 

The star of the show, time after time,

and now scrubbernuts – her partner in crime.

 

Let humans prattle on – who cares what is said,

now happy doggy thoughts we take to our bed.

 

And to boost the ratings, with a feel-good glow,

let’s see Mrs Neil’s appearance on a future show.

 

Written by

Harriet Blackbury

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